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Imogen Heap - Hide and seek
2006-07-30 @ 11:39 p.m.

So I confess this Tulsa trip was.

something else.

Friday July 21st 2006

I start out bunking up with the sister in Bristow, which proves to be expectedly life threatening, as my 4 year old nephew has no understanding of my legally blindness nor my incapacitatedness, of course resulting in him being maniacally.. 4 years old and slamming into me. I mean, slammed. Only once was into my forehead area, which is life threatening for the reason of a large crevic-like fracture in my forehead which you could God's honest truth fit a pencil into. In my forehead.

Go figure, my brain is getting the exposure it's always wanted, and I'm sitting here wishing that there were any other way. (God, skull fracture humour takes it out of me.)

There isn't.

Tuesday July 25th 2006

The debacle doth continue, that I should relocate to Tulsa with Tom and Valarie. They're good people. Tom is among the/if not the best friend(s) i have. In spite of this fact, whilst I was getting sane after I was released from the hospital, I slept with Valarie at least 10 times, and came in her mouth. She swallowed.

I have chalked it up as among the worst if not THE worst thing(s) I have ever done. Since then, she has calmed down and completely not anything'd me. No love. A'tall.

So the foofaraw would start that I get the hell over there and set up my shit there. This commences and comes to fruition fine. Valarie is at this time gone, hanging out with Roxy. This development intrigues me, as, unbeknownst to Tom, Valarie has made an offer to me to have a threesome with Roxy because she really wants to taste Roxy's... well. To be polite, Roxy's synonym-for-cat. I didn't know them to be doing that right then, but it's a technical likelihood. Inevitably me and Tom end up just sitting around watching (Something) and complaining about (something). This is awkward, as this entire time, I know that Tom knows about me and Valarie. She told him. He threatened to kill me,and then softened up, saying "He needed it."

I would be insulted if that weren't the fucking truth.

Anyhow. The two of us haven't yet brushed upon the topic of me christening Valarie and mine's relationship. So. To sum it up frankly:

We, both of us, knew there was an elephant in the room, and neither of us were going to fucking acknowledge it. It just sits there pacing looking ominous, as it still does to this day. So that, is that.

The night falls through that I would pansy out and try to fall asleep by 11:30. He keeps me up for 30 minutes, and then I disembark to squaredance with the sandman.

The plot continues that I should wake up at 4:30 in the ante meridiem. Valarie, (being slightly drunk?) has rubbed my head as I foolishly happen to be asleep on the living room futon.

I awake, and she's there. Saying Hi, and I'm back and how are you doing?

I sit smiling, not saying the truth.

Not saying, honestly? My lack of love right now has placed me near-if-not suicidal. I am a shell of a shell of a shell of a man, and I'm not stupid enough to convince myself otherwise.

No, I shush and don't say what she want not be said.

And so it would continue that I start flirting.

I miss her, I say. (I do, but more specifically, I miss the her that I was doing the dirty-bad-things with. She has changed personalities vehemently. She only 'likes' me now as a joke. I'm not in on it but I do know the joke is there, wapping me in the face. It ain't cool.

I ask her if, considering what I and her HAVE done in the past, I ask if a kiss would be out of the question. It HAD been about 8 months since I kissed anyone romantically. (It's pathetic, I know, but yes. I pray that we have established by now that I am/I was pathetic.)

We kiss.

Pull away, and I get desperate because, yes, I am erect and she is.. there, and she has cured me in the past so, I'm saying just give me your hand, she says what, to which I respond by looking at the crotchular region, and back at her. And she smiles and pauses. No, I shouldn't, Tom would get mad. I factually state, he's not here, and I'm rock hard to the extent that it should hurt. She pauses longer now, seriously considering it.

No, I can't- I'll just ask Tom, he might be cool with it.

I calmly say "The fuck he will, you know what happened last time you told him this manner of goingson. (I give up.)

I look her in the eyes again, and say just. Just give me one more kiss and, okay, I'll pass out.

She does, and then says psh, just let me ask Tom and I'll come back and. Just, yeah.

"No, the no no. Seriously, he won't be cool with it." I reply.

And she goes to the bathroom and sprucifies up for bed.

10 minutes later she exits the bathroom, and goes to the bedroom.

I'm sitting wide awake, knowing that she's going to ask a question that shouldn't be asked.

I want to swear that I did hear some talking, and his tone of voice wasn't cool.

I completely get ready to fight to the death, considering in his position I would kill me, too.

I wait,


I get bored and pass out.

The day doth start that I am bored and thirsty and I get up and go to the kitchen, peeking into their room as I go. They're up. And I swear to God they're doing it.

I get the jeeblies and force myself not to vomit, and get my drink and sit up, bored.

I sit for 15 minutes, then she comes out, it's noon:30 by this time, shesaysbyeIsaybye. Then he comes out, looking relaxed.

And we sit bored for 10 minutes and then decide that porn is fun and interesting.

At this point, the warning alarms are going off in my head. "Be careful," they said. "Things could get weird."

To which I shrugged and replied I've had worse. Cause, I have.

"Where can we get porn in town?"

"I haven't a confounded clue."

"Where is Priscilla's in the yellow pages, how could I find like stores?"

"Don't know. Wish I did."

"Hell. I know where Priscilla's is. They'll have SOMETHING on DVD, let's just go."

And we do, it's a lingirie and novelties shop.

Honestly, their inventory was dazzling.

Dildo mask for your chin? 30 bucks

Love dolls? 60 and up

Tasty condoms? 10 bucks a pack

And the DVD porn. Sadly, they know how deluxe this item is. 30 bucks for 45 minutes of footage that cost 400 dollars to make.

I fall for their ploy.

Kelly the Co-ed in hand, I admit. She looked nice.

I was wrong.

We two trip back to his apartment and of course set up the sexually enlightening materiel.

It starts and she's bragging about how much she likes to drink, and beer bongs are the shit, and I roll my eyes so hard I nearly black out. And then the sexing starts.

And I continue to make amusingsarcastic commentary, and he looks over and says "You... need a blanket?

For my crotchular. So I can masturjackwank off and not feel awkward.

Well. Not that awkward.

To be honest I've never been priivy to such a situation as this.

I laugh and say, well. If that's an actual offer and not a joke, yes. I could use a blanket, thank you.

He gets one, and I start.. finagling myself, and 25 seconds goes by and he offers that he should get some paper towels. I say yes, why that would help a little. Thank you. He gets and I use.

And use.

And use one more time. I've got stamina, alright?

And then we chill the F out and watch Ultraviolet.

Good flick, would've been better if Milla Jovovich could act worth a damn. She can't, in this case. The cinematogropher danced beautifully throughout the movie, and the story was engaging although cliche cinematically tragic. The kid you wanted to survive doesn't (sort of) and the vampire you wanted to get cured and be happy, doesn't (sort of).

I'll buy it when I get back home. But seriously. I just came with my friend in the room, and in a not gay way?

Just, wow.

Seriously. Porn is bad. It objectifies women. But it brought us together. Sort of. In a not gay way.

It has its merits, is all I'm saying.

And sadly that was about the entire trip. It ends that I wake up the next morning and get my detritus assembled and get ready to go to Bristow. And I go, and it figures that I get the punishment for onanism that I listen to Tom's marriage problems the entire 45 minute trip back out-of-town-in-to-bristow. I mean, I feel for him because they ARE problems, I'm just a near handicapped single 20 year old. I'm scarcely functional as more than an ear. A loving ear but not much more. And so he drops me off and I bid him adieu in a cool guy way and that's that.

Now back to the life threatening 4 year old.

He'll be the end of me, both I and him know that. I see it in his eyes.

Quick, fierce, fascinated with my ass. It's a recipe for disaster.

Seriously, though. Watch and use porn with your friends.

You'll either get amazingly closer, or never speak again.

That's the dice we roll, baby.

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